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Here's why dating in Detroit is unlike dating in any other city Everyone knows everyone Detroit has a longer memory than the North in GoTand everyone in Detroit knows everyone in Detroit so your next breakup has every chance of becoming a public fiasco involving overlapping social circles and people you only know through Facebook coming up to you at Great Lakes Coffee to ask you about it.

It's seriously like dating someone from another country.

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They know and care nothing about your silly little city drama, and no one in the city knows who they are because "ew, suburbs. The most obvious answer is usually the correct one: parental sponsorship. Most of your dates will probably involve sports This is unavoidable, but no one's complaining. And state.

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And region. Probably country. Okay seriously, why do you even live here? And then going to the game.

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We all owe Quicken a debt of gratitude Bless you, Quicken, and the endless stream of starry-eyed somethings you bring into the city "to make a difference. Also, the presence of the Quickenstanites has vastly improved Detroit's overall attractiveness factor they even shower! Say what you will about Dan Gilbert, but you can't deny that the dating scene got a whole lot brighter once he started shipping these people in by the busload. Coastal transplants: we love them, until we hate them Oh, you're from New York? Oh, you only lived there for, like, six months?

Okay, well Oh, you're originally from here, moved to New York, couldn't hack it there, and moved back here when the tide was high so that you could "make a difference" and "be a part of something," and "get in on the ground floor" of this "blank slate" city? In the last five years Detroit went from a bunch of angry fat slobs to You and your date both own cars but nowadays you will probably never use them but for the occasional trip North of 8 Mile and the annual summer sabbatical to Up North.

All the fire and fuckery we saw at the green day, weezer, and fall out boy show at comerica park

Detroit bike city! People here totally work out now, what?!?! Seriously, this list would have looked a lot different five years ago. Cycling is a thing.

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Running is a thing. Soccer is a thing. CrossFit is a thing.

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Related: healthy eating and juicing is a thing. Ten years ago, none of these were things.

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It's really amazing anyone survived long enough to reproduce, honestly. So now people are active and health-conscious and what this means is that your cute face and sparkling personality alone are not going to cut it anymore. But showering has yet to catch on There has been so much progress here with personal health and fitness that you would think personal hygiene would follow.

Alas, it has not. It's not wet.

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We've got the best freaks and geeks North of New Orleans Detroit, let's not forget: this is the home of techno. Of the Dirty Show. Of the Marche du Nain Rouge.

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Of Theatre Bizarre. The national narrative may have shifted from doom and gloom to pseudo-Silicon Valley, but the "Keep Detroit Weird" crowd is still very much here.

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And weird. Just don't go looking for them in Quickenstan. Make Fun. Thrillist Serves.

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