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Women of Nigeria watch out - the men are in revolt. No longer will they pay for lavish dates; no longer will they provide expensive gifts; no longer will they hand over cash on demand. That is, at least, according to the country's Stingy Men Association. It is a fictional creation - a light-hearted response on social media that emerged earlier this year to some male concerns about the cost of dating. Men should not be seen as spending machines, we also want to be pampered.

About me

An internet romance scam took an unexpected turn, writes Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani. When Maria Grette first discovered that the year-old Danish man with whom she had fallen in love was actually a year-old Nigerian "" internet scammer, the year-old Swede was distraught. But, soon, her feelings changed.

She became consumed with what she describes as "a profound need to make a difference to the people of Nigeria".

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Ms Grette's relationship with Johnny not his real name began after an evening of fun and games with her girlfriends, during which they playfully created a profile for her on an online dating website. A few years before, she had gone through a traumatic divorce, and her friends teased her about finally starting a new relationship.

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But when the fun of creating her profile was over, Ms Grette, who works as an arts teacher, painter and arts therapist, didn't give much further thought to the website. That particular message was from a man who described himself as a Dane raised in South Carolina, USA; a civil engineer working on a contract in England; a widower with a son in a Manchester university.

Johnny: "I wish I could see through your eyes and see what you like to see". Maria: "I like to see the truth, and often the truth is more beautiful and greater than people dare to realize". Maria: "I cant understand how you can think so dedicated of me, when you have never met me.

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That scares me. Ms Grette, who had lived in different countries across Europe, was surprised that she could not place the man's accent. She mentioned this to him but didn't give it too much thought. He told her that he was planning for his retirement; had Sweden in mind for a place to settle; owned a house in Denmark inherited from his parents; wanted to leave that to his son, Nick, who was very attached to it, while he looked for a new home for himself in Sweden. And he was innocent in a way that puzzled me. Ms Grette put all these qualities down to "an old fashioned upbringing and an isolated life - living in hotels and spending his free time on golf courses owing to much travelling".

After three months of communicating, the man agreed to come over and visit her in Sweden.

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But before that, he and his son needed to make a quick trip to Nigeria for a job interview, he said. Johnny called to let her know that he was at Heathrow Airport. And to say that he had landed in Nigeria. He also got her to speak with Nick. The next phone call was to tell her that he was in a Lagos hospital.

They had been mugged, his son shot in the head, and they were without money and papers. Unfortunately, his bank did not have a branch in Africa, he added, so it would take time to transfer money from his UK. Honey, if Nick dies I will also die with him, I have been crying, I wish I could call you, I wish I never came here, I will never forgive myself for bringing Nick along with me. The doctor said we where lucky we where not kidnapped.

The bank does not have a location in Africa, so it will take time to get money and the management are requesting euros to proceed with treatment. Nick is all I have got and I will not forgive myself if anything happens to him.

I went to nigeria to meet the man who scammed me

I am confused, and I do not know where to turn at the moment The plot developed after that initial transfer. Medical complications called for more money. The doctors demanded more advance fees.

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Several thousands of euro later, in what she describes as "coming to her senses", Maria realised that something was amiss. Three weeks after her silence, he called her and confessed.

Two different cultures, one modern marriage

He told her that he was not who she thought he was. I asked him to tell me his true identity and he did. He was a year-old Nigerian "" scammer. He had finished university two years earlier but had no job. These kind of advance fee frauds are known as scams in Nigeria after the section of the Criminal Code which covers fraud.

He further described himself as a "devil" who had wronged "a lovely woman". He said his scamming mates had warned him about falling in love with a 'client', that he had ignored them because he trusted me and did not want to lose contact with me. From this point on, their communication took a new turn.

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There were no further requests for cash. It was still him, but with a new name and different age and circumstances," she said.

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Johnny sent her a photograph of himself, but Maria was not satisfied with that. Unable to get him a visa to travel to Sweden, she made up her mind to go to Nigeria. In OctoberMs Grette travelled to Africa for the first time in her life.

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Ms Grette described her two weeks in Nigeria as blissful, a period during which she and Johnny succeeded in transforming their romantic feelings for each other into a good friendship. She met his friends, many of whom were also scammers.

It was while enjoying their company one night in a local bar that she began to wonder how she could make a difference. An idea came to her two years later, inafter she saw an article on a Nigerian news website about an arts exhibition.

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Over the past six years, Ms Grette has arranged for a of African artists to visit Europe for arts exhibitions, workshops, conferences and competitions. She has assisted them to source international grants and other funding to advance their work.

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She has also visited Uganda to give talks on art, and is looking forward to another visit to Nigeria scheduled for later this year. Ms Grette, now 69 and living in Norway, is elated at the opportunity to improve the lives of these young artists. When she'd visited him in Abuja, Johnny promised Ms Grette that he would give up scamming.

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With her assistance, he left Nigeria shortly afterwards, to study in America. Although they have not met each other again since, she continued to provide him with financial assistance until he completed his degree a few years ago and got a job in the American oil sector. They still communicate frequently, updating themselves on each other's lives; and last year, he bought one of her paintings which she shipped over to him in America. Inside the world of Ghana's internet fraudsters.

You might also like:. Then, one day, she did. The pre-amble.

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The request. She stopped responding to his messages. The reveal.

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Related Topics. Internet safety Nigeria Internet Online dating. More on this story. Published 10 May