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However, when it comes to actually dating in New York Cityit's more of a nightmare than a fairytale. WalletHub recently ranked New York City as the best city in the country for fun and recreational opportunitieswhile New York state ranked first for romance and fun and second for dating opportunities.
However, there are many struggles that come with dating in New York City that are rarely discussed outside of close friend groups or frustrated rants on social media.
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Here are 8 reasons why dating in New York City is actually terrible, coming from someone who lives there. One reality of living in New York City as a something is the inevitability of multiple roommates.
However, whether you have just one roommate or end up sharing your space with four city-dwellers, living with other people can definitely put a strain on your ability to date. As someone with three roommates, I've found it difficult to host dates in my apartment. It can seem rude to occupy the kitchen or living area for hours at a time to have dinner, not to mention the awkwardness of a roommate walking through your space. Privacy is pretty much impossible if you live with multiple people, which is usually the case in a city like New York. An assumption I had about living in New York City prior to actually moving there was that everyone lived close together, or at the very least could easily get to one another via a quick subway ride.
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This couldn't be farther from the truth. It could take at least an hour, and multiple trains or buses, to get from my home in Prospect Lefferts Gardens, Brooklyn, to some parts of Manhattan. Even other parts of Brooklyn, like Bushwick or Williamsburg, can only be primarily accessed by Uber, since no train line runs from my apartment to that part of the borough.
If you're dating someone in another part of the city, it can sometimes feel like a long-distance relationship depending on how convenient it is to get there. We've likely all dreamed of being in a coffee shop and having a cute stranger write their on our to-go coffee cup.
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However, for the most part, everyone has their headphones in or they're in too much of a rush to stop and say hello, let alone come up with a flirty way to introduce themselves. While "meet-cutes" abound in movies and TV shows set in New York, the reality is far less romantic. Meeting someone in a bar is definitely possible, but you likely won't have the straight-out-of-a-romantic-comedy experience you're hoping for. In New York City, there are three main places to meet people: at work, in a bar or nightclub, or on your cell phone.
New York is home to millions of people, so it's inevitable that dating apps would become an avenue of choice for people to meet. However, if you're not a fan of dating apps, your options can be a lot more limited. As someone who prefers the in-person experience of getting to know someone, dating apps seem cold, impersonal, and downright phony at times.
I detest pick-up lines and small talk, and, to me, it seems unnatural to meet someone through an app. Plus, as my own experiences and those of my close friends have proven, dating apps have only furthered the mindset that the options are limitless for dating. If you're not a fan of one person, there are a million more people out there at your fingertips. While this is freeing for some people, it can often lead to ghosting and heartbreak. As New Yorkers, we've come to crave the best and the brightest things available to us — the coolest new restaurant, the best apartment, the quickest subway commute, and more.
This propensity to crave the biggest and the best also applies to relationships. No one is perfect, but some daters — myself included, at times — are simply unwilling to put the time in to look past even the smallest flaws, assuming that someone better will come along.
In a city of millions of young singles, this may be true. However, the New Yorker attitude of always looking for the biggest and the brightest thing may end up hurting others, and even ourselves, in the end. Ah, ambition. It led to the demise of Hamlet, and it similarly kills many relationships in New York City. Many residents of New York City are consumed by work. We are the hustlers, the go-getters, the never-stoppers.
Many people end up choosing to focus on their careers, rather than dedicate time to dating or pursuing a relationship. Even if you do want to make time for dating, it can be hard. Between a nine-to-five job, working out, and doing everything else we have to do in a day, finding time to go out on dates can make for an overwhelming schedule. While New York City ranked highly in WalletHub's study of the best cities for singles in the fun and recreational activities category, it ranked dead last in the economic factor.
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To cut costs, many New Yorkers go out for drinks or coffee rather than a sit-down meal for a first date. In a city like New York, mental health obstacles, being away from our families, and a demanding work-life balance can create baggage in relationships. Resentment can grow if one person is succeeding more in their careers. Some partners may be forced to move in together more quickly than they'd like due to high rent costs.
Plus, when all of your exes live within a mile radius of you, that can open up a can of worms in itself. It's virtually impossible to escape the people of your past. Couples across the country may have to deal with some kind of baggage. However, I've noticed that in New York City, there tends to be a great deal more work involved in creating a healthy relationship and putting the past behind you.
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It's nearly impossible to have any privacy when you have to live with multiple roommates. Living in different boroughs of the city can make your relationship seem like a long-distance one.
Unlike what you see in movies and shows like "Sex and the City," people don't just start flirting in a coffee shop, on the street, or on the subway. If you're not a fan of dating apps, it can be hard to meet someone in person. New Yorkers, by nature, are always looking for something bigger and better. We're also an ambitious lot, which can pose problems in relationships. Everything is really expensive, and going out to dinner on a first date is pretty rare.
Many singles have some sort of emotional baggage that can affect their relationships.
I live in new york city, which has been ranked one of the best places in the country for dating. here's why i think it's actually terrible.
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